Five Times Fili Was Made to Apologize and One Time He Meant It
by Laatija
Summary: Fili recalls some of the highlights of growing up with Kili which involve imagined Goblins, stolen property, pretty girls, lack of facial hair, drunkards, and stupid ponies. Spans from early childhood to the early parts of the Unexpected Journey. Mostly movie verse with splashes of the book.
1. Of Apples and Goblins

**A/N: I made up a lot of things from their past as of course we authors must do. Take note here that I don't make mention of a father for Fili and Kili because I like to think that the father was either killed in the battle for Moria or his and Dis' union wasn't exactly an official one. So I'm pretending that Thorin took his sister under his wing while he was searching for work and stuff. I have this lovely picture of a nomadic group of dwarves, traveling across Middle Earth, looking for a place to settle and never really finding one…**

**Anyway, here's some fun back story for Fili and Kili. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Four Times Fili Was Made to Apologize and One Time He Actually Meant it**

* * *

It should be made very clear that Fili and Kili were as normal a pair of brothers as ever there were. When they weren't ogling pretty Dwarf maidens or having misadventures, there was a good chance that they were fighting. Childhood saw to a lot of bruises and bloody noses in Thorin's household. But no matter how much bickering occurred, the two brothers were as thick as thieves. It would take the worlds end to separate them...or an angry Mum. They were brotherly love incarnate.

That said, Fili was never one who enjoyed apologizing to Kili. In fact, he actively avoided it. But there were four times in particular which stood out to Fili because he hadn't at all meant the apology and lying was wrong.

The first time was when he was eight and Kili was three. Thorin had moved them to a very pleasant city of men where he was promised a contract with the residing prefect to update and repair the contents of the armory. Mum managed to find them a cottage that came up alongside an apple orchard. For a young boy of eight, the move promised endless fun and a constantly full belly in the fall if he was clever enough to steal apples without mum finding out. And that was the rub, really. Fili fancied himself to be a clever boy and Thorin had even said as much…when asked about it…repeatedly.

He sat on the backdoor stoop, elbows on knees and chin in hands. Mum was in the shed that they'd turned into a workroom so she could make her delicate jewelry in peace and quiet and, most importantly, a contained space that she could keep her children out of.

"_Keep watch over yer brother," _she had said.

Fili gave her a very emphatic nod and promptly locked Kili in their bedroom after he removed all the sharp objects. Then he went outside because Kili's indignant high pitched screeching was irritating but you could hardly hear it at all from the back stoop.

Fili pursed his lips and stroked his chin. He'd swear on a stack of holy books that his beard was coming in. Thorin had even said so…when asked about it…repeatedly… Soon, he'd have a beard as thick as Balin's and he'd keep it in braids because Mum said only the nimblest of dwarves could braid their own beards and that those were the ones who made the finest craftsmen. Kili said he'd never braid his beard because warriors had better things to do and that's why Dwalin never bothered with braids. Kili was stupid.

Fili peered up at the apple trees and his mouth started watering. Apple season was just starting and he could see flashes of bright red under the dark green leaves. The real question here was not whether or not he'd be able to climb up there and get apples for himself. He could definitely do that. The real question was how was he going to get away with it?

The young dwarf puzzled over this for quite some time before he was wrenched away from his thoughts by a loud thud. His head jerked up and around as he glared back inside the house.

"Kili?" he shouted inside, a flash of panic running down his spine.

He got a long drawn out wail in reply.

Like a shot, Fili was barreling into the bedroom. Kili was sprawled out on the floor, a wooden sword in his hand.

"What did you do?!" Fili barked.

"I was fighting goblins!" Kili cried.

Fili pulled him up by his shoulders and looked him over. "You big dumbie," he muttered. "Did you hurt yourself?"

Kili tucked his chin down and frowned at him. "No…" he grumbled.

Fili smirked. "Did you get the goblins?" he asked.

Kili brightened a little at that. "Yep. Killed them all dead," he said gleefully.

And that's when Fili was struck by an idea. What he really needed in this apple situation was a good story to cover up why he was in the orchard. He could stash the apples near the fence where Mum wouldn't find them. It was a lot easier sneaking over to the fence then it was sneaking into the orchard.

"Hey, Kili, you missed one," he suddenly said with a mischievous glint in his eye.

Kili grinned, pleased that his brother was joining the game. "I'll get 'im!"

"He ran off into the orchard! Better go quick before he gets away!" Fili said excitedly.

Kili paused. "But Mum says we're not allowed to go in there…"

"She'll understand," Fili insisted. "You can't just let a goblin run free around here. You've got to go and get him!"

It only took the younger dwarf a moment to accept the adjusted rules. He was off like rabbit, tearing out of the house with a squealing war cry. Fili trotted after him, making sure Kili was fully inside the orchard before he hopped the fence to go "do what mum asked" and "look after his brother".

While Kili was out hacking at trees with his wooden sword, Fili was busy finding a tree with low enough branches that he could shimmy up. He found one that was so far away that he couldn't see the cottage anymore – not that that mattered any. Fili scooted up the apple tree and plucked the juiciest apple within his reach. He was just about to bite into it when he heard Kili wailing again.

A knot of dread and a sigh of exasperation settled over him. He picked another apple and stuck it into his pocket before he climbed down to search for the brat of a dwarf that he called his brother because, in the end, he would always search for his brother and rescue him, if need be. It's just what brothers did. Thorin said so… _without_ being asked.

Fili found Kili huddled in a tight ball at the base of an old apple tree several rows over.

"Kili! What did you do!?" he snapped.

Kili looked up at him with big watery eyes. His lower lip was quivering. Dark strands of hair hung over his face. He was the picture of misery. "I wanted an apple," he said in a voice that was thick with tears. "Just like you…" Kili was holding his arm very close to his chest.

Fili felt a little panicky again. "You shoulda asked me, dumbie! Did you hurt your arm?"

Kili nodded, starting to cry again.

"Ok," Fili said quickly, "stop crying like that. Mum's gonna hear you and when she does, we're both gonna get the switch. Got it?"

Kili did his best to suck in his tears, taking a big shuddering breath, but they still leaked out. "It hurts really bad," he whimpered.

Fili sighed. "Come on, I'll help you home."

Together, with Fili's arm around Kili's torso, they hobbled back to the cottage. With each step, Fili was grew more and more certain that he was done for. That sense of mounting dread crested as soon as they got to the fence.

Mum was standing there, hands on hips. She had a look that would strike a troll dead in a heartbeat.

Fili gulped.

Kili started sobbing as soon as he saw her. He shrugged Fili away and bolted towards their mum.

"I fell out of the tree!" he cried. "Fili said there was a goblin in the orchard an' I chased after it and I fell and my arm hurts really really bad, mum!"

Fili glared daggers at his brother. "He ran in there!" Fili shouted. "I had to go after him!"

"He said you'd let me! To get the Goblin!" Kili insisted. Then he threw a finger towards Fili. "He's got apples in his pockets!"

"Enough!" Mum snapped.

Both boys hushed in an instant.

The Dwarf woman looked first at Kili and then at Fili. "Fili, apologize to yer brother."

Fili opened his mouth to say something to his defense, a look of indignant anger on his face. "But—"

"Now."

Fili shoved his hands in his pockets and glowered at Kili. For a moment, he said nothing. And then he ground out an angry "sorry".

"Kili?"

"I forgive you," he said.

"Apples," Mum said sharply, extending her hand.

Fili dug into his pockets and produced the two apples.

He spent the rest of the day with a sore bum and a bad attitude.

But the second incident was much worse...

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TBC


	2. The Incident With the Pipe

A/N: I wrote the crux of this next bit on a napkin at work last night. I'm not sure if that makes it brilliant or utterly stupid. You can be the judge of that, I suppose. Enjoy!

UPDATE: shin-seirei was gracious enough to point out my error with the ages (dwarves aging a lot slower than humans and all that). So I'm sort of skirting around the ages a little rather than do the maths (because the maths and I are not friends). I'm also going out on a limb here and guessing that, because they live with Thorin and Thorin works in the towns of Men, that they're used the 'the talk' about ages and why they aren't like the human boys.

* * *

The second incident of interest occurred a good many years later. Kili was about to turn eleven and Fili had already turned sixteen (in human maturity levels). It was near the end of the year. They'd moved away from the orchard and into a city that was a lot bigger and more interesting to the much _older_ and more _mature_ Fili. Kili had started going to the forge with Thorin as a sort of apprentice while Fili stuck to the learning of the delicate work of crafting beautiful pieces of finery out of gold, silver, and fine gems. That was the proof of their difference. The forge and the craft bench. One required a lot of sweat and grit and heavy muscles. The other required a careful slow hand and a keen eye. Likewise, Kili was the warrior, the muscle of the two. He was the one to rush headlong into trouble. Fili was more of the thinker, the _finesse_. He stood back and calculated before he leapt into a situation. And don't think for a moment that their mum didn't know it.

He always thought it was grossly unfair that he got more of the punishment whenever it was doled out for whatever scheme they happened to get caught in. It wasn't as if Kili wasn't just as eager to tip the cows or chase the girls or string up Barabus Hornsby by his breeches in front of the city guard. Sure, those were all Fili's ideas but it was usually Kili who got them caught.

So that's why, these past few weeks, Fili was very careful with what he told Kili. It was a matter of manipulation. With well calculated maneuvering, he could get Kili in just the right place at just the right time with just the right sort of ideas.

Ideas like 'let's take Thorin's new ivory pipe and smoke his special stash that he kept hidden in the forge'.

"I'll snatch the pipe when he's working," Fili insisted. "You can sneak into the forge later and get the stash. They all know you anyway. You fit right in."

Kili nodded. "I could say I'm fetching something that Thorin forgot. Like his…gloves!"

Fili smiled and clapped his younger brother on the shoulder. "Perfect," he said. "We have to time it just right." He stroked his upper lip with a thumb and forefinger. He had a mustache coming in. Kili called it peach fuzz.

"Five o'clock!" Kili insisted. "You get the pipe from his study and start for the wall. Thorin leaves at five. I'll hang back and get the stash and meet you there," he said excitedly.

Fili was beaming. It was too easy. He felt like a wizard. "Good..."

The day passed as normally as any other day passed. He waited until Mum was out of the house before he crept into his uncle's room. This act alone was strictly forbidden. Thorin's private space was exactly that – private. No matter where they ended up, Thorin always had a study or a closet or a something. You lost a layer of skin from your rear if Thorin caught you in his space. Over the course of his sixteen years, Fili had successfully been in it three times without detection. Kili boasted that he'd been in it five times but Fili wasn't sure he believed him.

The room was fairly simple but it was homely. Lived in. It smelled strongly of both tobacco and smithy smoke. A pile of blackened clothes were in the corner, hiding from Mum's washbasin. There was a desk against one wall that was littered with maps and lists and plans. Fili wasn't much interested in these things. What caught his eye were the portraits on the wall of his grandparents and great grandparents. A few weapons were hung up in various places and some interesting and likely expensive trinkets lined his shelves. There was also one large painting over Thorin's bed that depicted the front gates of Erabor in great dark shades of green and gray and black with bright blue in the flags. Fili couldn't help but stare at the painting for a good long while. It stirred up a sense of…longing. And adventure. It was such a distant and wildly fantastic fantasy.

He shook his head.

Pipe. He was after a pipe. A gorgeous ivory pipe that was given to him by Bomba a few weeks ago. Neither Fili nor Kili were allowed to smoke yet but being _allowed_ to do something and actually _doing_ it were two very different things. Fili had been smoking pipes with the other teenagers for nearly a full year now. He'd even let Kili have a puff or two.

The pipe was on the edge of the desk and Fili didn't hesitate to tuck it into his waistband, pulling his shirt over top of it. Then he was darting out of the house. The clock was just ringing out the time. If he was careful, he'd be able to avoid running into Thorin.

He made it all the way to the crumbling bit of city wall that they claimed as their own without incident. Kili was there already. He wasn't grinning like the cat that caught the canary like he normally did when they did anything particularly sneaky. But he _did _have a sly sort of smile on his face.

When he thought back over it later, Fili realized that he should have seen it coming. He was right earlier. It _was_ too easy to convince Kili this time. Kili had been acting on his own wiles. The dirty double crosser…

Thorin was there. He was covered in grime and looked very tired. And very cross. He had his arms folded over his chest and a deep scowl on his face.

Fili gulped.

It was all payback, of course. Fili had dumped a bottle of red ants in Kili's bed to see what would happen. Even still, in the moment, Fili wasn't at all thinking about the fairness of the situation.

"You dirty double crosser!" Fili shrieked indignantly.

Kili cocked an eyebrow. "You shouldn't be stealing from Thorin," he said. He waggled his finger Fili. He actually had the audacity to waggle his finger.

"Fili, what have you got to say for yourself?" Thorin asked in a voice that was barely restrained.

Fili didn't have anything to say. He barreled forward and tackled Kili. The two went down in a tangle of limbs. Kili may have had the warrior spirit but Fili had an extra five years to hone his thrashing skills. By the time Thorin was able to pull them off each other, Fili was sporting a black eye but Kili was missing a tooth and was bleeding out of his nose. The two glared at each other.

"Enough!" Thorin thundered. He had a hand planted on each of their chests, keeping them off each other. "Fili, that was uncalled for. Apologize to your brother."

Thorin's tone left no room for argument.

Fili backed up a step and crossed his arms. "…m'sorry," he growled.

"I'm telling Mum!" Kili shouted, holding a hand to his nose.

Thorin turned his angry stare to Kili. "No one likes a tattletale," he snapped.

Kili shrank back.

Thorin looked from one brother to the other. "Put this behind you. You're brothers. Act like it." And then he fixed his eyes on Fili. Without being asked, Fili handed him the pipe. Thorin took it and tucked it away. "Fili, I want you to clean the forge. Top to bottom. Not one fleck of soot. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Home. Now," Thorin snapped. He turned on his heel and stomped away, knowing they'd be insane not to follow.

Kili looked over at Fili. His look of triumph had disappeared. Fili only glared. He was the first to start after Thorin. From behind him, Kili sniffed up a dribble of blood and snot.

"I'll help you," he said in a small voice.

Fili looked back over his shoulder. "What?"

Kili shrugged but his expression was abashed. "I'll help you clean the forge."

Fili narrowed his eyes. "You better! I can't believe you ratted me out!"

Kili scrunched up his face. "I can't believe you put fire ants in my bed…" he grumbled.

Fili backed down a little. "Yeah…well…We even?"

His brother nodded. "Even."

He dug into his pocket and produced a handkerchief. "Here. Mum's gonna kill you when she see's all that blood on your shirt."

Kili took it and pressed it to his nose. He gave Fili a small smile. "Thanks."

"Come on, let's go home." Fili's tone wasn't exactly friendly but it wasn't hostile anymore. As they walked back, with a fledgling sense of camaraderie, both boys missed the smirk of satisfaction and amusement that crossed over Thorin's face.

* * *

TBC :)


	3. The Thing with the Girl

An account of slights would not be complete without a story of a girl. There are precious few things that can cause blood feuds between siblings: excessive amounts of alcohol, excessive amounts of unshared wealth, arguing parents, and, above all, the love of a woman.

Her name was Laurel and her father was not well known among the ranks of Dwarves. In fact, he was all but unknown except by his family. It was _that_ initial fact that drew Fili to her. He lived in the shadow of Thorin and, by extension, Thrain, Thror, and the whole of Erebor. It was exhausting to a young dwarf and he'd reached that age in his life when he was questioning and challenging the things around him. So when he bumped into this Laurel person who had no long list of titles behind her name, he started to swoon. Her anonymity was breathtaking. The image was only further enhanced by the fact that she was a dwarf. There weren't many dwarf maidens in this town that Thorin had dragged them to and his damn uncle had forbidden them from courting human girls. Something about age differences and maturity levels and how dwarf boys took a lot longer to mature then humans did.

Well, sod it all.

Laurel was a dwarf and he was going to court her.

"Did you see her?" Kili asked in an excited whisper from where they stood beside the salted fish stand. Laural was standing on the other side of the town square, looking at fabric with her mother. She liked purple things. He knew because he'd been watching her shop for the past ten minutes.

"Who?" Fili asked, feigning ignorance.

"She's right over there! She's so...beautiful..." Kili said wistfully.

She was. Laural was very pretty. She wore a light blue dress that practically came only down to her ankles and showed off her attractive boots that he would later learn were the handiwork of her father. She was stocky and shorter then he was with long red hair, clever eyes, and a kind face.

Their children would be smart _and_ beautiful.

"Yeah..." Fili said dreamily. And then he frowned at Kili. He smacked his brother upside the head. "Stop staring! You twat..."

"Mum says you can't say tw-"

"Bugger off!"

"Mum says you can't say that either..."

Fili spun around and fixed Kili with a firm glare. Kili's eyebrows hitched up in surprise. His face was the picture of innocence.

"What?"

"Go get what Mum sent us for and go home, Kili," Fili ordered firmly.

Kili looked at him a moment and then his eyes drifted over to Laural and realization dawned. "Oh come on, Fili! Really?"

"Shh! She'll hear you!" Fili hissed. "Listen, just _go _home! I'll be back later!"

Kili rolled his eyes. "Give me the money..." he said in an exasperated tone.

Fili handed him the small leather pouch that Mum had given him this morning. "Don't buy any sweats. Mum say's it's only for what's on her list."

"Oh you're one to talk," Kili growled. "She also said we had to stick together."

Laural had started walking away and Fili stopped listening to his brother's grumblings. Eventually, Kili disappeared and Fili was left to follow Laural on his own. He must have tailed her for at least a half hour before he worked up the courage to talk to her.

She was sitting on the edge of a fountain, looking at the book she'd purchased at the last stall. Her mother had disappeared. Fili came up and sat down next to her – not close enough to be considered with her but not far enough away for the comfort of strangers. He peered down at the spine of the book she was holding.

"You like Ingald?" he asked, noting the author of the book.

She looked up at him and he nearly lost his breath as he looked into her eyes. They were green.

"Sorry?" she asked.

"Ingald? The writer..."

"Oh! No, I've never heard of him before today," she said.

Fili nodded awkwardly and they lapsed into a foolish sort of silence.

He looked away, _casually_ surveying the surrounding area.

"Do you?" she asked suddenly.

"Do I what?"

"Like Ingald?"

"No. I don't read much," he admitted.

"Oh..."

"I'm Fili, by the way," he said, offering his hand. "Nephew of Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror..."

She looked at him and then down at his hand. She shook it a little awkwardly and he realized it was probably a stupid gesture. How were you supposed to greet pretty girls? Thorin never taught him. But, then again, he was pretty sure Thorin wasn't capable of romance.

Good heavens! Was that what he was attempting? _Romance?_

"Laurel," she said that honey sweet voice of hers. Her accent was intoxicating. "Just...Laurel."

Fili smiled. "Nice to meet you, Laurel. Do you live here?"

Laurel shook her head. "No, we're just passing through. My da's a trader so we keep on the move. I take it _you_ live here?"

Fili nodded. "For now. I'm not tied down to any place." He leaned back onto his elbows. "I go where the wind takes me."

Laurel giggled.

He spent the next few hours floating on a cloud. He followed Laurel around the city and she introduced him to her parents, both of whom were immensely impressed by his heritage and, subsequently, his interest in their daughter. He didn't get home until well after dark, grinning like an idiot and cradling a pair of boots her father had given him.

"Fili! Where on earth have y'been?" Mum snapped as soon as he walked through the door. "Thorin's out right now with yer brother lookin' for ye!"

Fili did his best to look sorry. "I met someone-"

"The girl. Yes, I know. Kili told me all about it. Get yer arse over here, young man!" she growled. "To think that you let something as foolish as a strange girl keep you out for so long! We'd thought you'd been kidnapped or worse!"

Fili fidgeted at the kitchen table while Mum chewed him out, sending out timid 'sorry's' whenever she paused to take a breath. After a while he sort of zoned out. It couldn't have been for long because Mum was in his face.

"...ye listenin'? Fili!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Don't be sorry to me! Be sorry to yer brother! We didn't even sit down to celebrate his birthday because he was so worried about ye!"

Everyone has those occasions when you suddenly remember something dreadfully important that had previously gone unremembered for a very long time. It's sort of like a kick to the gut. That was not unlike what Fili felt in that moment. He closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair, letting out a puff of air.

Kili's birthday.

They were going to have a party.

Mum made his favorite chocolate cake. It sat there, on the dining room table, uneaten. Kili had been excited about it all week. To make matters worse, the clock suddenly struck out the time. It was nearing midnight.

"Where are the others?" he asked. This place should have been swarming with dwarves but it was empty and cold.

"Out looking for the fool of a dwarf that I call my son!" Mum hissed.

It was then that Thorin and Kili walked into the house. They looked tired and worried until they both saw Fili. Mum immediately started to explain what had happened in short angry sentences that were punctuated by flying hand gestures. Kili was glaring at him.

After a lot of talking on Mum's part, Thorin finally looked over at Fili. "Well?" he asked.

"Her name's Laurel," Fili said in a shallow voice.

"Daughter of..."

"Frank."

"I'm sorry?"

"Frank's her father. He gave me these boots. I think he wants me to marry her."

"Frank." Thorin looked like he was about to lose it. "Frank, son of..."

Fili shrugged. "Dunno. I don't think he does either. What does it matter anyway? Laurel doesn't need a line of kings in her family!"

Kili spoke up then. "She's just a stupid cow," he muttered. "A fat ugly cow." There was hurt in Kili's eyes but the romantic in Fili reared in righteous anger and any real remorse he might have felt vanished in a puff of resentment.

"Take it back!" he yelled.

"No!" Kili yelled back.

Fili punched him in the nose.

Mum grabbed him by the collar of his shirt while Thorin grabbed Kili before the younger sibling could start swinging himself.

"FILI!" Thorin and Mum shouted at once.

"I'm SORRY!" he shouted back in a voice that was the absolute furthest thing from apologetic. He crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry…" he said again in more subdued tone. A defeated tone.

Kili didn't say anything. He wasn't looking at Fili anymore.

Fili heard Mum sigh. He imagined she and Thorin exchanging a look. Thorin would be raising his eyebrows, leaving the doling of punishment to Mum because he respected her authority when it came to them.

There was silence for a long moment.

Finally, Thorin shifted. He let go of Kili. "I'm going to try and find Balin and the others to let them know that Fili's safe."

He walked out and Kili started to follow but Mum cleared her throat, freezing the younger brother in his tracks. With agonizing slowness, Kili turned around.

"Sit down, Kili," she told him. He made a face.

"Muuuuum—"

"Sit."

He sat.

"You too, Fili," she said.

Fili sat opposite of Kili. They both glared at each other.

"I didn't mean it, Mum. I didn't realize how late it was," Fili said quickly. "I forgot about the party. Laurel's just so…" He trailed off.

Kili scoffed.

Mum raised a hand. "I don't want to hear it, Fili. It's yer brothers birthday and we're going to celebrate it."

She disappeared into the other room and Fili was left with Kili.

"I hope your babies have horns," Kili hissed.

"I hope you never grow a beard," Fili hissed back.

"I hope Laurel is infested with parasites."

"I hope you choke on a fish bone."

"I hope you trip and fall down a spider hole."

"I hope you –"

Two plates thunked down on the table. They each had a thick slice of chocolate cake on them. She slid a plate to each brother. She walked over and kissed the top of Kili's head and then she kissed Fili's head. "We'll talk more in the morning," she said. Which meant 'I'm taking the night to think of a proper punishment'.

By the time the plates had been licked clean and second portions had been successfully stolen, both brothers were laughing again.

* * *

A/N: Ok here's the deal, the bunnies were particularly ravenous last night and I cranked out tomorrows chapter already and, let me tell you, I was giggling to myself the whole time. So here's what I'm prepared to do: I'll post it early if I get **15 or more** reviews by 10pm (Eastern Standard Time). You'll get the next chapter at least by tomorrow morning regardless (I'm not _that_ cruel) but if you're crazy eager for more funny then, by all means, show me some love :)

Cheers! And Happy New Year :)


	4. Conversations In a Troll Cave

A/N: 15 reviews! As promised, here's the next bit. I did something a little different this time and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Cheers! And thanks for the reviews - just the sort of pick-me-up that I desperetly needed today

Oh and for those who don't know script lingo, a *beat* means a pause.

* * *

"No."

"Yes."

"_No _way."

"I'm going for it."

"You better not…Thorin's going to have your head!"

"You don't think I can?"

"Oh I know you can't."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Yes. Yes, it is a challenge. I challenge you to ask that troll to piss off."

"…"

"Having second thoughts?"

"No!"

*beat*

"Well it's not going to get any better smelling…"

"Shh, I'm planning."

"You don't know the meaning of the word."

"Shut it!"

"Look, no one's going to think less of you if you—"

"Oh look, see? It's turning back around. I can't go now. I'll be squashed."

"Right."

"It's impossible."

"Of course it is."

"I'm not scared…I'm just not stupid."

"Oh no, I understand."

*beat*

"Stop it, Fili."

"What?"

"Stop snickering."

"I'm not, I swear! I was coughing. That troll smells god awful."

"…right."

*beat*

"Look, it's walking away—"

"Shh! It'll hear you!"

"_Hear_ me? Kili, it's over four hundred years old! It's as deaf as a post!"

"What?"

"It's deaf!"

"What?"

"_Deaf_…It can't hear a thing."

"Huh?"

"The troll—"

"What'd you say?"

"…You're so immature, Kili."

*beat*

"Maybe we should run for it."

"What happened to attacking the troll, oh humorous one?"

"I'd rather not get you killed is all."

"You're very kind."

"I'm not afraid of death but after it kills me, it'll probably kill you and I can't have that on my conscious."

"You'll be dead, you won't have a conscious anymore."

"Say's you. After I die, I plan on haunting you. Need a conscious for that."

"I don't think you get a choice in the matter."

"I'll make a choice."

"…dumb git."

"Coward."

"You're the one who's suddenly scared to tackle a troll. Truly, your heroism is inspiring."

"Why don't you do it then?"

"I value my hide."

"And you'd let me put myself in danger?"

"I remember telling you no."

*beat*

"So what do we do?"

"Wait for it to fall asleep?"

"And if it falls asleep in the cave opening?"

"…I'll worry about that if it happens."

"Wow. I am in awe of your thinking abilities. Where's the grand Fili scheme? Where's the bold and daring escape plan?"

"Being sat on by a ridiculously old troll."

"Wait! I just thought of something!"

"Impossible!"

"Shut it. It can't sleep in the opening because the sunlight will kill it. It'll have to move eventually, right?"

"That's…actually quite brilliant."

"Why do you sound so surprised?"

*beat*

"So we're just going to wait then?"

"Unless you have a better idea."

"I guess we're waiting then."

*beat*

"I was supposed to take Jolien to see the fireworks tonight."

"Oh please, like you'd be watching anything when you got there."

"Hey, Jolien likes fireworks."

"She's an airhead."

"She's amazing."

"You sound ridiculous."

"You're just jealous because I'm the handsome one."

"You?"

"Me."

"_You_ are the handsome one…"

"Clearly, I am. Do you see this nose?"

"Oh not the nose again…"

"This is the longest nose this side of the Lonely Mountain."

"That doesn't mean its good looking."

"It's very good looking."

"Doesn't do anything to your voice though."

"What's wrong with my voice?"

"Well, I mean, I'm five years younger and already I sound so much older and stronger and—"

"Oh please…"

"You sound almost…_girly_."

"Well let's not forget who has the beginnings of quite the epic beard."

"Oh please, your beard is _not_ epic. You've got a braided mustache."

"Well it's more then you've got."

"Don't even go there…"

"Your last girlfriend had more of a beard then you've got."

"Fili…"

"I mean, what _is_ that on your face? Scruff? I think I heard one of the human girls call it scruff. Hey you could always court one of them."

"…"

"I'm beginning to think that you _can't_ grow a beard— Ouch! Kili, stop it!"

"Say you're sorry!"

"I will not! Stop slapping me with your little girly hands. OW! Damn it, Kili!"

"Say it!"

"Ow ow ow! Don't make me hit you back…"

*sounds of scuffling*

"Say it or I'll cut the braid's off…"

"Easy! Easy there…ouch! That's attached, you know!"

"I'll count to three."

"Where the hell did you get that knife? Is that Dwalin's knife?"

" One…Two…"

"Fine. I'm sorry. Ok? I'm sorry! Let go!"

*beat*

"Stupid git."

"Oh, piss off."

"I hope you mustache gets so long you choke on it."

"I hope that troll comes over here and sits on you."

*beat*

"How long until the sun rises?"

"I dunno."

*prolonged beat*

"Damn that troll smells…"

* * *

A/N: So I'm having a lot of fun with this but my inspiration is running a little dry. The last chapter is all planned out and stuff but if anyone has an idea of an incident they'd like to see played out, please share and I'll turn it into a new chapter.


	5. The Drunken Ili's

A/N: I found someone who did the maths for ages equivalents between dwarves and humans. You can find a very helpful site on google. For those who don't care to look it up, Kili and Fili are around their early to mid twenties in human years in this chapter and in the movie/book, Kili is in his mid to late twenties and Fili is thirty

* * *

It ought to be noted that not all of these moments of apology were under duress. There was one moment in his list of apologies that hadn't been instigated by the threat of punishment or, god forbid, actual remorse.

Kili was forty-two and Fili was forty-seven. Young adults, in their own right. So much so that Dis was considering kicking them out of her house so she could settle down in the Blue Mountains for good. She was a simple woman but a smart one. Adventure burned in her son's eyes. They would be wandering the world soon.

But that was an issue for another flashback.

Old friends had come to visit: Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur. Kili was nearly beside himself with excitement. If he were being honest with himself, Fili was also bubbling with excitement though he kept it buried under a nice shiny coat of maturity. The two weren't in a habit of seeing so many familiar faces in one place. It was always exciting when friends came to visit.

The only problem today was that Thorin had disappeared inside his forge. Kili didn't exactly consider it a problem, however. As soon as he'd realized where their Uncle had gone, he was immediately offering to take them to the nearest tavern. He tended to do that a lot since Mum stopped giving him grief for drinking. But, well, that was ok. Fili enjoyed drinking as much as the next dwarf.

And so the five of them settled around a corner table in the Flying Man. The place was crowded with both men and dwarves as this particular city was nestled close to the Blue Mountains. It stank of hard working bodies, stale beer, and tobacco. The lighting was dim and the air was hazy with smoke. Even considering the earliness of the night, there were several drunken voices carrying out some ear-jarring tunes.

Fili relaxed into the worn hardwood of the chair. He smiled loosely at the others as Bofur got to the business of storytelling. Bombur had an enormous plate of food before him. Kili was laughing. Bifur was sort of listing to one side and had the most ridiculous grin on his face as he watched the far left corner of the tavern. This went on for a few hours, accompanied by tall tankards of dark ale.

Fili was particularly proud of his ability to hold his ale. He once made it through five tankards before he felt woozy enough to fall off the chair. Not that he actually fell, mind you. He didn't. Honest. But he _did_ decide to settle down on the floor of the tavern that night to keep himself from falling in earnest.

But then Bifur set something down in front of Fili and Kili with that same ridiculous grin. He had a glint in his eye. The tin cups were smaller than his fist and the liquid inside was clear. The smell of it made his eyes water.

"What's this?" he asked Bifur. A deep chuckle rumbled in Bifur's chest.

"Shulukikiki hyakhund ra turg," Bifur said happily, making a few hand gestures.

Fili's eyebrows hitched up. Kili took a deep wiff of the drink and wrinkled his nose.

"Smells like orc piss," he muttered.

Fili looked to Bofur who had a coy grin on his face. Bombur just shoved a sausage in his mouth. "Kili, you drink it first," Fili said.

Kili looked at him. "_You_ drink it first!"

"You scared?"

"Piss off. I'm not scared."

"Sure you're not..."

"Why don't you do it, then? Scared?"

Fili shrugged nonchalantly. "Smart," he said with a sly grin.

Bofur laughed. "s'not gonna kill ya, lads," he said with a bit of a slur.

Kili looked at Fili and raised his eyebrows. He raised his cup up to his lips and waited. Fili grinned and raised his own. Together, they knocked back the liquor. It burned like dragon fire down his throat. Fili coughed, his eyes watering. Kili was shaking his head and flexing his jaw.

"Whew!" Kili exclaimed. Bombur and Bofur roared with laughter. Bifur nodded approvingly.

"What the hell was that?" Fili asked.

"The men around here call it The Flyin Mans Wings. We know it as Warg Spittle. It'll put a curl in yer beard, that's for sure," Bombur said.

Kili was squinting a little, still shaking his head every few seconds.  
Fili took a drink of his nice calm ale to clear the pallet. "It's disgusting," he said, after swallowing. They all laughed at him again.

Kili fixed Fili with a challenging look. "I bet I can drink more of it then you can," he said.

And it was at that point that everything sort of blurred together. Quite suddenly, Fili was really really happy. Happy enough to start singing. He started belting out lines of songs. Lots of songs. A line here, a line there. A melody from this refrain, a harmony from that one. At some point, he decided to change up the ends of well known songs.

"Keeps them on'ther toes," Fili explained to Bifur. And Bifur's twin. "They thin' that the song's gonna end the normal ol' normal way an' then BAM!" He slammed the table and several tin cups rattled. "Y'change it!"

"Khuzd tada ma mahagrif turghu ghelekhur, tulhaji Mahal ize," said the Bifur's. The axe piece in Bifur's head shone like a thousand lanterns in the deepest pits of nighttime.

Kili, his eyes big and round and glossy, started frantically gesturing to Bifur.

"Yer sayin' it wrong!" Fili yelled at him, waggling a jiggly finger. "It goes like this..." He made a few motions with his hands, flitting them about.

Kili scowled. "I was _not_ doin' it wrong!" he shouted indignantly.

"Yes ye were!" Fili insisted. "Ye did this with yer thumb an' pinkies when ye shoulda done this..." He waved his hands around.

Kili pshed and waved him off. "You're stupid."

"_Yer_ stupid!"

Kili leaned back in his chair and tumbled out of it. Laughter filled the space around their table.

Some time passed and some things happened but Fili wasn't at all sure how much time passed or what things happened. But they happened! And enough time passed that Bombur had fallen asleep. Bofur was playing the same repeating tune on his flute. And then Kili started bearing his soul about a dog he once tried to bring home to Mum and suddenly Fili started crying.

"It was such a tiny little doggie," Fili said around his tears. "The biggest an'sadest eyes..."

"Oi! Stop stealin' my story!" Kili growled. He looked very distressed. Poor Kili. "You're always stealin' my thunder! Give it back!" His voice hitched up at the end and squeaked a little.

Fili watched him for a very long moment, taken aback. He even scooted backwards to prove how taken aback he was. A sincere hand was placed over his heart and he was 60% sure it was his own hand. Kili. His flesh and blood. His very bestest friend. And he had done so many terrible things to him. So many!

"m'sorry, Kili," he said, starting to cry again.

Kili frowned deeply, pulling a very comical face. "Liar."

"No! No, I am so sorry, m'dear sweet brother," he said, enunciating very carefully.

Kili still looked untrusting. "...s'ok, I guess," he mumbled.

"No! It's not!" Fili insisted, his eyes wild. "I ate the meat pie tha' Mum made for ye last week..."

"I forgi—"

"I stole Bombur's biscuits this afternoon an' left a crumb trail to yer room. Little crumbs. Like _this_ big." He held his thumb and forefinger a short ways apart.

Kili cocked his head to the side. "What?"

"I was t'one who smoked the last of yer longbottom leaf." Fili pursed his lips together.

Kili blinked owlishly.

"I told Anabell ye were a...E.U.N.U.C.H..." He spelled it out carefully. Eunuch was a strange word to spell. _Eunuch_. Eunuch.

Kili looked to the side as he tried to piece together the word that Fili spelled. "Eeewwwnik..." he mumbled under his breath. And then realization dawned on him and his face scrunched up in anger. "You bast—"

"I told Maybell ye were diseased and infertile and yer crotch smelled of moldy cheese like _all_ the time," Fili said. He moved his hands to show how often he smelled of moldy cheese.

Horror washed across Kili's face. "Anythin' else?" he growled.

Fili blinked. "Yes. I used yer comb to pick horse shit out of m'boot treads."

Kili reached across the table and slapped Fili with a wide open palm.

Fili reared back in shock. "What was tha' fer?!"

"You stupid git!"

"Eunuch!"

Kili slapped him again. With both hands. Not at the same time. Fili slapped him back. So Kili slapped him _again_. Well, that was simply uncalled for and Fili flew across the table and let his palms say as much to Kili's face.

They ended up on the floor in a flurry of palms. Bofur just kept playing his flute, his eyes glassy and content. Bombur was still sleeping. Bifur just kept repeating "ma shandi" and pounding his fists together. Eventually, they were either rolled outside or thrown out. Either way, they ended up in the mud outside of the Flying Man.

Fili finally broke away from Kili, his face red and throbbing. He rolled onto his back and glared up at the dark sky. Kili sat up, rubbing his cheeks. They were both panting and Fili had quite forgotten why his face hurt.

"The stars are...beautiful," Fili said drowsily.

Kili looked over at him and snorted. "You're so drunk," he said as he swayed back and forth.

Fili raised an eyebrow at him. "Speak fer yerself," he muttered.

Kili grew very silent for a while and Fili just watched the sky. It was spinning quite fantastically. He started humming. Kili started humming with him. They were not in sync. Eventually the song just welled up in his throat.

"...we must away, ere break of day, to find our loooong forgotten gooooold," he sang.

Kili heaved a sigh. "The star's look like...diamonds," he said wistfully.

That was the last thing either brother said that night.

* * *

A/N: I'm not sure whats in Warg Spittle but i think it might have hallucinogenic properties because they sort of ended up a little high there. Oops. This is what happens when I try to write about drunkards without actually having been drunk before.

Also, on an unrelated note, the last chapter of this story will be considerably more dramatic then the others but to compensate for the lack of funny, it'll have loads of yummy hurt/comfort.

Also also, this last chapter was brought to you by two gracious reviewers. Thanks for the ideas, guys!


	6. The Body

A/N: last chapter. Warning, there be angst ahead.

* * *

Fili and Kili had a great wealth of incidents, as brothers often do. But Fili could count the number of times he felt heart wrenching remorse on one hand. He didn't like feeling guilty. Loving someone, even just the sort of love that comes with a good friendship, meant that that someone could crawl inside your heart and latch on and you could feel every spike of pain that they felt if you cared enough. He couldn't decide which was worse – romance or familial love. In this case, the brotherly affection was causing more pain than anything he felt from his various romantic pursuits.

It was such a stupid thing. It really was. It shouldn't have happened. It wouldn't have even been as bad as it was if the issue had not been compounded by that damn pony. It shouldn't have been an apology- worthy offence.

They were near the end of the pack, he and Kili, and only days from Hobbiton. Mr. Baggins was settling into their company. Initially, the excitement had thrummed through them all. Even Thorin was excited. Eager. Happy. But then something happened to the excitement yesterday. It was slapped with the reality of traveling.

So, naturally, that's when Kili's mischievous nature started to test the waters. Very very carefully. It was the unspoken rule that they were to behave on this trip. It was terribly important to Fili. Before they even left the Shire, Thorin had a long and serious discussion with the dwarf prince. Here was his chance to prove to Thorin that he was actually mature enough to take on the mantle of Thorin's Heir, the eventual King Under the Mountain. He'd been nurturing the maturity for years now but Thorin still treated him as if he were a fumbling child. It was incredibly frustrating and cast a pall over the past few days.

Which was to say, he was in a _mood_.

"All I'm saying," Kili said in a quiet voice that didn't travel much further then the two of them, "is that if we convince Nori that there are ghosts in the woods, it would only be a matter of making dummies of ourselves in the bedrolls and then sneak out and, well, then it's just a replaying of the classic noise prank. The only thing I can't figure out is how to get the dummies in the bedrolls without him knowing..."

Fili didn't say anything.

Kili looked over at him. "What, nothing?" "Look, Kili, just drop it," Fili said.

Kili's eyebrow hitched up. "Just...drop it? Are you feeling alright?" He reached a hand across the distance between their ponies to feel Fili's forehead but Fili slapped his hand away. They rode in silence for a few moments, Kili watching his brother very very carefully. Fili doggedly ignored him. He was so successful at ignoring Kili that he missed the branch that Kili was jabbing at him rather suddenly until it was nearly poking him in the eye.

"Kili! What is wrong with you?" Fili asked, snatching the branch away.

"_Me_? What's wrong with you?"

"Why would there be anything wrong with me?"

Kili gave him a look. "You're acting strange."

"I'm acting like an adult. I've been an adult for a while now, Kili. You too, for that matter. I don't understand why you insist on acting like a child," Fili snapped.

"I'm not...acting like a child," Kili said with a frown. "I'm just having a little fun. Grown-up's goof off too, you know."

Fili shook his head. "You're so immature, you know that? I'm surprised Thorin even let you tag along! Do you even know the meaning of the word 'responsibility'?"

Kili looked down at his pony, not saying anything.

Fili continued in a voice dripping with derision. "How long have we been out of Mum's house? And still a sniveling little boy. Look, Thorin expects us—"

"Thorin? You want me to act mature because of Thorin?" Kili asked sharply. "I'm fairly certain he's used to us by now, Fili. I mean, he's been dealing with your shenanigans for ages!"

Fili fixed him with a look that was not at all amused. He was quickly driving this argument into a place that was not the normal bickering of brothers. Kili kept trying to pull the conversation back out again but Fili would have none of it. "Look, this isn't just a quick jaunt down to Harlond to find whatever whirly bobs Mum needs for her work. This is a serious quest."

Kili put on a defensive smile, not quite used to the seriousness of the argument. "I know that—"

"Do you? Kili, think about what's about to happen! We're reclaiming Erebor! We're about to step into a proper fortress as proper princes with a whole city as our own. Everything is going to change. You think Thorin won't pile on the responsibility? You'll have to adjust to a whole new level of maturity or no one is going to take you seriously. We're not bumpkin dwarves from the backwater Blue Mountains anymore. We're going back to _Erebor_."

Kili gave him a wry smile, one last jab at a friendly argument. "Well, yeah. But think about how much fun we can have, eh? Think about how much fun we could have and _not_ get into trouble. I bet I can be the most creative—"

"You don't get it, do you!?" Fili growled, causing a few turning heads from further up the line. "Grow up, Kili!"

Kili dropped the smile. "I have grow—"

"But you haven't, have you?"

His brother lips drew into a tight thin line. "Course I have," he said in a low voice. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop having fun. That has nothing to do with age."

Fili rolled his eyes. "You're so stupid..." he muttered. There was a deep sort of honesty that knifed through his words which had nothing to do with Kili's actual intelligence but rather Fili's perception of it. And that made it so much worse. "You shouldn't even be here. What can a child possibly do on a journey like this?" Fili's tone deadened the air between them and Kili fell into a silent brood.

Well, fine. He needed a good brood to sober him. Kili had a habit of flinging himself into situations without the proper mind set. This flouncing immature dwarf was going to get himself killed and maybe everyone else, too.

Only, Kili wasn't brooding properly. He was kicking his pony into a swift trot so that he was riding next to Bifur with three ponies between him and his brother. Fili narrowed his eyes. It wasn't long before laughter drifted past him. It was like a needle in his eye.

Upon retrospection, Fili realized how needlessly moody he'd been that day but it was also the sort of mood that couldn't be reasoned with when it happened. He was grumpy and that's all there was to it. Not a grievous offence. Nothing terrible. Kili and Fili would have laughed it off by the time they settled down that night.

It was also his first mistake.

If only the damn pack pony hadn't spooked at nothing.

Thorin had chosen a road that took them near a very swift river. It was pleasant, easy going. So when Mungo the Pony bolted, no one was prepared. The stupid thing took off running back the way they'd come, head high, eyes wild. The pack on his back teetered dangerously.

"Someone grab him!" Thorin roared.

Several dwarves made a valiant attempt to catch hold of the trailing rope but their attempts only spooked the pony more. Mungo sidestepped into a muskrat hole and promptly somersaulted into the river. Everyone was gob smacked for half a minute as they watched the pony thrash around in the water. The current was quickly pulling it further and further away.

"I'll get him," Kili shouted, spinning his own pony, Daisy, around and darting down the bank. As he passed Fili, he growled: "it's the responsible thing to do."

It was and no one stopped him.

Kili kicked his pony into a swift canter down the bank until he made it out ahead of the stupid pony in the river which was snorting and whinnying and nearly drowning itself. He quickly shed his coat and weapons and snatched the rope that hung off his saddle. Without pausing, he swung off his pony and jumped into the river. Mungo was already flying past him and he had to power through the water to catch up.

Fili and the others were following along the bank as if they could help just by cheering him on or shouting instructions that he was clearly ignoring. Thorin and Gandalf were the only two who hung back, watching from the road.

In the water, Kili made it up to Mungo's head. Fili could hear him murmuring calming things to the pony but they were having little effect. The current wasn't all that fast but the river must have been deep there because the pony kept dipping under the water completely. Kili tied the rope around the pony's neck and looked up at the river bank.

"Catch this!" he called out to no one in particular. He gave a mighty heave and tossed the rope towards the bank. Fili caught it as if Kili had thrown it to him. Immediately, the rope snapped taut and Kili and the pony stopped their journey down the river.

"Hold on, tight," Fili called to his brother. "We'll pull you in." Dwalin came up behind Fili and helped to pull the pony in but the poor beasts head suddenly disappeared under the water.

"Wait wait wait!" Kili yelled suddenly. "There's something wrong with Mungo..."

"Don't worry about it. We'll deal with it after we pull you in," Fili insisted.

Kili shot him a dirty look. "Give me some slack," he snapped. They let out some rope and Mungo popped back up, snorting water. Kili fussed around with the distressed pony.

"Kili, come on!" Fili shouted.

"His legs are wrapped in his lead line. I think it's caught on a log or something too. I'm going to have to cut him free." Kili was working back towards the bank. "Give me a knife."

"Here, take mine," Nori offered. He waded out a bit to meet Kili.

As Kili sloshed back out again, Fili couldn't help but notice he looked a lot less enthusiastic. In fact, he was shivering.

_It's the responsible thing to do..._

He felt the first stirrings of guilt and he swiftly pushed them to the background so he could concentrate on holding onto the rope.

"Careful, Kili..." Fili said.

"I'm fine, Fili," Kili hissed, shooting his brother a withering look. "I can handle this on my own."

Kili made it back out to the thrashing pony. He took a deep breath and ducked under the water. He wasn't down there more than a minute before he surfaced with a gasp. "I need to cut one more rope," he told the others, his voice not quite as loud as it had been before. The shivering was a little more pronounced. "Don't pull him in until I tell you to," he ordered.

The order went completely over Fili's head. In one ear and right out the other. He wasn't at all accustomed to taking his brother's commands that seriously. It wasn't even a conscious decision on Fili's part. It was reflex.

That was his second mistake.

Kili went around to the other side of Mungo and several things happened. Mungo blocked the view of Kili from the others. When questioned about it later, Fili swore up one side and down the other that he saw the top of Kili's head well above the water. What Fili didn't see was that Kili had gone back underwater to sever the last few ropes that tangled the pony. Once those ropes snapped, the pressure on the main rope loosened a little and Fili automatically started to pull back. As he pulled back, Mungo started to thrash again, encouraged by the pulling.

Kili was still underwater.

Franticly moving pony hooves started to churn the water around his head and shoulders.

Fili didn't even notice his brother wasn't attached to the pony until they'd pulled in a half meter of rope. "Kili!" someone shouted behind him.

Fili's eyes instantly started searching Mungo. And then his eyes swept down the river. A body was bobbing along with the current, face down.

_A body_.

He didn't remember small details for a while after that.

He was in the water.

He was wrapping his arms around Kili's chest.

He was attempting to swim back to shore.

Floundering.

Struggling.

More swimming.

Kili's face was pale.

Pebbles were under his boots.

Fili surged up onto the bank, dragging Kili with him. He let Kili drop to the ground and his body smacked down with a particular heaviness that did not beget live persons. Panic thrashed in Fili's chest.

Fili held his stiff half-numb fingers over Kili's nose. No breath brushed against his skin.

He slapped Kili's face. The sound was startling. Like a dish breaking in a silent room.

When there was no reaction, Fili grabbed two fistfuls of Kili's sodden shirt and hoisted him up a few inches. "KILI!" His voice was shrill and quivering.

Kili's head hung back limply. Black hair dangled in damp strands. Blood dripped from the hair onto the stony bank of the river.

The fingers on his right hand slipped and Kili half flopped back down onto the ground.  
A ragged cry of alarm crawled out of Fili's throat.

Breathing. He had to be sure he was breathing. Wasn't. _Wasn't_ breathing.

He pulled out a knife. Dropped it. Picked it up. He held it to Kili's nose, waiting for the blade to fog. It didn't.

Fili chest was heaving.

"GANDALF!" he shrieked. His eyes searched the banks. The others were running towards him but they looked so slow. Why were they running so slowly?

Fili looked back down at Kili. He blinked.

That wasn't Kili. It couldn't possibly be Kili. The body was sodden and distorted looking. Too white. Too stiff. There were dark circles under the half-opened eyes. The eyes that weren't staring at anything. Just glass marbles in taxidermied sockets.

No. No, those were Kili's eyes.

Fili let go of the body with a shudder of horror.

"Fili!"

Gandalf was suddenly on the other side of Kili. "He's not breathing!" Fili yelled.

Gandalf was waving his hand over Kili's face and muttering things in a language that was deader than his brother.

Kili.

His pale stiff dead brother Kili.

Fili stumbled backwards until he was on his rump. His hands were shaking.

"I killed him..." he muttered. "Oh my god, I killed him...My...my fault...I did this..." He was having a hard time catching his breath.

His heart shredded into a thousand tiny pieces that spilled back into the river and were dragged along the stony bottom.

Balin put a hand on his shoulder but it seemed like Balin's hand was moving up and down very very quickly. Like a rapid pat. In fact, the ground seemed to be doing that as well. Or perhaps he was the one moving.

Several someones were talking at him and Fili watched their mouths move without actually understanding what was coming out.

He looked back at the body.

_The body_.

For the space of a moment, Fili was very alone, surrounded by the ghost of his regret.

Gandalf was blowing very carefully at Kili's face and then he brought his staff around and gave Kili a great thwak on the chest.

It was as if lightning had struck.

Water spewed from Kili's mouth and there was a great gurgling back-arching cough. His hands and arms snapped up of their own accord as he flailed a little mindlessly for a moment.

Fili could only stare for a second.

And then he was shoving Gandalf backwards roughly and pulling Kili up in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, Kili. I'm so so sorry," he gushed. "I didn't mean it. Any of it. I was wrong. And I didn't listen. Oh god, that was all my fault too. I thought you were finished and you weren't and I'm so stupid, Kili. I'm so sorry!"

"Fili, let him breathe," came Thorin's stern voice.

There was a heavy pressure on his shoulder and Fili looked at his brother to see Kili's disoriented eyes blinking rapidly. Wild, unsure hands pushed away from Fili. Immediately, Fili let him slide back down to the ground.

Kili sat up, still coughing. He put a hand to his head and it came away bloody. Thorin pushed his hair aside and discovered the neat horseshoe shaped cut on his head. Kili winced. Fili blanched.

"It's not deep," Thorin declared.

Kili nodded. Slowly. "What idiot started pulling on the rope?" he ground out in a husky voice.

Fili winced this time. "It was my fault," he muttered.

"I told you to wait," Kili snapped.

Fili nodded. "I know."

Kili sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. "Did we get Mungo out?"

Someone said yes.

Kili nodded. He looked utterly exhausted.

"Someone make a fire," Thorin ordered. "Dwalin, help me get him up. The rest of you, start making camp."

Fili sat there as the others moved around him. He felt numb.

He followed behind everyone while things were prepared and Kili was carried back up onto dry ground. He was shivering and it wasn't just because of the cold that snaked around him.

Fili killed his brother today.

Because of a stupid argument.

Had Gandalf not been there, Kili would have been gone for good.

Fili sat huddled in front of the fire, wrapped in a dry blanket. Kili managed to scoot next to him. Neither brother said anything for a good long while. And then finally, Fili cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly as he watched the fire.

Kili looked at him. Fili could feel his brother studying his face so he turned and they locked eyes. The seriousness of the moment was not lost on Kili. The utter sincerity of the apology oozed out of Fili's slumped and shivering form.

"I forgive you," Kili said, just as quietly and with just as much sincerity in his face.

In that moment, Kili seemed decades older then Fili. There was no silliness or anger or resentment in his statement. No bitterness. No lies. The person behind Kili's eyes, in that moment, was wise beyond his years and kind beyond necessity.

Fili nodded. And then Kili nodded back. They went back to watching the fire. "Also," Kili added, "you swim like a girl."

Fili looked sideways at him. His brother had pulled a mock serious face. "You were unconscious, how would you know?" Fili challenged.

"I was dead, remember? I was watching you from the heavens."

"Yeah, well, at least ponies don't actively try to kick me in the head."

"Mungo _tried_ to kick me? Remind me to feed him to any wargs we come across."

"Sure thing."

They lapsed into a much more comfortable silence then before that lasted several minutes.

"Does your head hurt?" Fili asked.

"No, not really," Kili answered.

Fili poked the blood crusted scalp with a finger. "Does it hurt when I do this?"

Kili slapped him away. "Ouch! Yes! Damn-it!"

Fili chuckled and Kili punched him in the arm. The third silence was the most comfortable of all. Fili allowed himself to feel the weight of his own exhaustion. He could sense Kili's as well. Almost in sync, the brothers stretched out next to the fire, side by side, and slipped into the healing warmth of sleep.

And the next night, Fili convinced Nori there were ghosts in the woods.

* * *

A/N: I got the inspiration for Fili's reaction from a very emotional episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer called 'The Body'. If you haven't watched it, I suggest you do. It is, by far, the most gut wrenching death scene I have ever seen on TV.

Also, I would like to thank all of you for reading and reviewing. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I will be writing more Ili stories soon though the next foray into this genre will likely be a single story line (multi/chap). I hope to see you all at my next story.

Cheers, Laatija


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